The Elevator
by FyFaen
Summary: The Enterprise is encountered by a strange floating spacerabbit. Spock suggests to beam it aboard for further analysis. Then, Kirk and Spock discover what happens in the elevator stays in the elevator.... I AM NOT SERIOUS!


Note* I am not serious.... at all! If you think I am, you are f**king weird and I suggest you should go and get a life.

"What.... why... how... what...who...where...why...how....when....explain." said Kirk, acting up a storm. He paced along the bridge of the star ship Enterprise, unaware of the dirt that was always on his ass. His

pants were travelling up his ass-crack and it began to irritate him, so he scratched his crack and adjusted his pants.

"Um, Captain," Began Sulu, "there is a small unidentified object in range of about 83 km from the ship..."

"Alright ... " Kirk mumbled. "I want all levels on yellow alert, Uhura, attempt contact with the vessel...or object... or whatever it is...."

"Yes Captain," Said Uhura. "All frequencies open, sir." She sat there, listening for any sounds or transmissions. "Captain, I am recieving no transmissions on all hailing frequencies, although, I seem to be recieving

a strange sort of music... sort of like disco... coming from the Science Lab...."

"Disco Music? I like disco," Said Chekov, randomly. "It was a Russian Inwention. A style of music made by the Russian dancer Pavelov--- "

"Right, Mr. Chekov..." Kirk said, as he sat in his seat, looking around as if he had to take a shit. Chekov looked a little hurt from being cut off like that... His Russian heritage was his pride.

Kirk ceased to care and then pressed a button so he could alert all decks of the situation. "This is your captain speaking, I want all decks to stand by on yellow alert, we have an unidentified object floating 83 km

away, and has potential of being hostile.. I repeat.. yellow alert.... unidentified object in close proximity, and all decks on yellow alert."

Kirk sat uncomfortably; his ass began to itch. There was nothing he could do about it. What was more important? His asshole itching, or the 400 lives aboard this vessel... there was no time now to think about

irrelevant things. This was time to be a starship captain, and not just any starship captain, but to be Captain James T. Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise.. He stopped narcissistically pondering in thought, and then

stared at the stars on the view screen.. "Mr, Chekov, put it on optical zoom 12. I want to see this object"

"Yes captain, right avay, sir." Said Chekov as he put the object on the screen.

"What in the name of..." Kirk said, bewildered with confusion. Could this be? Could he really be looking at what appeared to be a little pink bunny.

"Mr. Spock, give me a full analysis of this... rabbit...thing..." Kirk said as he looked around, then realized Spock wasn't there. "_Mr....Spock_..?" Kirk began to become worried... what if Spock had died? What if he had

been accidentally vaporised by his phaser as he sat down to take a shit? What if he was sucked out of the garbage disposal---what if he committed suicide! Kirk didn't know, and had a wave of anxiety come over

him... what if Spock really had died and nobody knew? Who would he replace as his First Officer? The thoughts turned his stomach... Maybe Spock's absence was caused by that evil... _evil_ rabbit.. just as Spock

was innocently examining the dirt he collected from Nexus 5 for small particles of plutonium in the science lab. It beamed him out into space to eat him. Spock was taken to be killed by this... thing... with its cute

sparkling eyes staring innocently back at the Enterprise. But Captain Kirk knew it was pure evil... a blackened void within a pink, cute, furry shell.... it was a murderer. He knew it.

Spock then entered the room wearing a pink tutu. He stopped at the door and waited at attention for five minutes until Kirk acknowledged his presence.

"Mr. Spock, you were gone from your station for 34 minutes." Kirk looked back at the pink rabbit on screen.

Spock raised an eyebrow at Kirk "Affirmative, Captain, and well understood. I strongly regret that I wasn't at my station, Captain. I was very occupied in the science lab and seemed to have lost track of time. I am

now ready for duty, and once again, regret if I have caused distress on the bridge due to my absence." And as if completely unaware of his current attire, Spock logically skipped towards his station.

"No, Spock, no, there was no disturbance...." Kirk said, sighing in relief at the sound of Spock's monotone voice. Kirk eyes were still fixated on the floating pink space-rabbit.

"Fascinating," Spock stopped and analyzed the rabbit on the screen, then turned around and looked into the square thing. "It is a polyester-based life form, about 46.31 cm in length, just a little over the size of

an average rabbit...Doesn't seem to possess much intelligence, and its purpose is still unknown."

"Good, thank you ." Kirk swivelled his chair around a bit out of boredom, and then stopped the chair when it was facing exactly in Spock's direction. "Anything else, ?" Kirk stared at the tutu.

"Negative, captain. Our instruments seem to be failing in fully analysing this creature. It does appear to be alive, but it cannot be life as we know it." Spock stopped, and began skipping gaily---but still logically---

towards Kirk. "A polyester-based life form, having the ability to survive in the vacuum of space." Spock spun around like a ballerina. "Captain, we cant risk ignoring this once in a lifetime opportunity. This creature

defies all what is known about life, and by analysing this creature, we may open many doors for science in the future." Spock brought his hands together above his head and bowed gracefully down to one side,

pointing his toes out on his lifted leg, and then brought all limbs back to their original positions.

"Yes , this opportunity does seem quite rare," Kirk pondered for a moment. "But, what if it is not a life form?"

"Probable captain, although all data supports that this creature is indeed alive." Spock looked up at nothing in particular for a moment, then looked back at Kirk. "Captain, is it possible we could beam the creature

aboard for further analysis? I, for one, would like to examine it, find out where it originates from, and possibly find out exactly why it has no difficulty surviving in space. Logic dictates it is illogical to ignore this rare

opportunity. Perhaps, Captain, we have discovered a new species of---" Spock was abruptly cut off from his highly intellectual speech.

"Yes, Spock, that sounds... quite logical...." uneasiness came over Kirk, but he trusted Spock's word... it was rare if Spock was ever wrong.... it would be Spock's fault if he was wrong, but he was the Captain, and

he was responsible for every person on board.

"Captain?" Spock said, staring dumbly into Kirk's beautiful diarrhoea-sewage hazel eyes. How illogical a description, thought Spock, but it was fact, therefore, it was surely logical.

Kirk snapped out of his thoughts, and leaped out of his seat. "Yes Spock, follow me to the transporter room, Mr. Sulu, take command of the Enterprise. If anything goes wrong, call me at the transporter room or

the science lab immediately."

"Yes, Captain." Said Sulu.

Kirk and Spock made their way to the elevator. Kirk walked in and grabbed onto one of the handle thingies, and so did Spock.

"Transporter room," Kirk sighed.

Spock stared at Kirk, saying nothing, There was no expression on his face except for what looked to be a suppressed smile. This made Kirk a little uncomfortable, but Spock didn't realize that Kirk felt weirded out

by his annoying habit of staring at Kirk's sexiness.

Kirk looked down at Spock's retarded tutu. What an illogical thing for Mr. Spock to be wearing... It just didn't seem right. Was that rabbit controlling his mind? Too soon to tell....Although, the pretty pink colour

complimented the greenness of Spock's skin...

"I see you have noticed my tutu, Captain." Spock said, monotonously.

Kirk's eyes widened... how did Spock know? "Yes I have, Mr. Spock. Sorry if I seemed quiet about it---just seems unlike you, if you know what I mean."

"Yes, Captain." Spock felt a little hurt that Kirk didn't really like it. He had thought that Kirk would have liked the tutu, and Kirk was the reason why he was wearing it, but the alien half of him fought to keep this

emotion from surfacing.

"I mean, Spock, that is a nice tutu." Kirk said, assuringly.

"Thank you, Captain. I am delighted." Spock said, monotonously as usual. Inside him, the human half was relieved to hear that Kirk liked the tutu.

"So... Mr. Spock... something bothering you?" Kirk said. "You just look a little, you know, like something is wrong."

Spock was shocked that Jim had noticed there was something wrong. Indeed there _was_ something, but it was not logical to tell Jim.

"Negative, Captain. I can assure you there is nothing bothering me. To be bothered is a human emotion, to which I am completely unfamiliar."

"Spock," Kirk laughed at Spock's unwillingness to admit he was more human than he let on. "I know that look, I know when you are troubled." Kirk smiled, then the smile turned into a little laugh.

"It is not something of your concern captain, it has always been a troubling part of me, which I have kept only to myself. There is absolutely no logic in sharing it. Consider it just as personal as a Vulcan's

meditation time."

"Right." Kirk laughed at Spock's retardedness.

"Captain?" Spock was about to have an explosion of emotion.

"Yes, Mr. Spock?"

Spock was speechless. He looked at Kirk, and Kirk looked back at him. He looked deep within Kirk's eyes, and Kirk seemed to be a little confused. Spock got a bit closer to Kirk and then suddenly scooped him into

a tight embrace. He started slobbering on Kirk's face, biting his eye socket every so often. Suddenly, he started screaming random profanities at Kirk for being his sexy starship Captain and was angry that Kirk

was just too f'ing sexy to ignore. Spock was just so overcome with anger by Kirk's sexeh bodeh for no logical reason, but he also had never loved Kirk more. Nor had he ever been so sad---so happy---so many

emotions all at once, an utter complete lack of logic. Now he just couldn't control his emotions anymore. Spock groped Kirk's chronically dusty ass, spanking himself whilst doing so. He began kicking at the floor

with one leg, whilst making noises which sounded like a horse being murdered via strangulation in a flock of seagulls. Spock came to the realization of what he was doing and stopped immediately, in complete

control of himself and his illogical emotions.

"I apologize, Captain. I do not know what came over me. It was completely illogical" Spock felt extremely embarrassed about what he had done.

Kirk's face was white, he looked like he was about to be sick. "Spock... let's just say what happens in the elevator stays in the elevator. But please, after we get off the elevator, get yourself to sickbay."

"Affirmative, Captain."

Slutten!


End file.
